Oh yes, I sprained my ankle. I think I sprained it, being that it's like numb and pain and whatnot for so long, since alighting from the bus at the HSR station... and walking all the way to our accomodation. Nice way to spend the countdown and start 2012.

I think, a new year, no, the beginning of a new year is scary. I think there are just so many uncertainties lying in front of me. I hate changes, I hate new environments. But... I guess faith will lead me to destinations, and the processes and the consequences will forever be lessons for me in life ain't it. I just came back to post once again because of this weird feeling of not being able to let go, and I'm really missing home. But the trip seems to be a short one though...

This year being a sucky one due to my laziness. My anger, my sense of loss. I wont want it to happen again. And the "so many things to do, yet so little time attitude"... would improve on my priotising, and time-management. Oh well, I think the new year resolutions spelt out everything.

I really have this strong feeling of... 莫名其妙 now, I dont know how to explain it in English. I really feel weird, it's like loss + anger + sad + despair. I really dint become useful of do useful things this year huh.

I cant turn my left foot for nuts. Grr. Oh well. Guess I'll just make-do. Happy new year.

Hello there! 11 days since I posted here, oh well there have been many things happening. And I'm in Taiwan now. I'm feeling a bit sad that I'm going to end my year here in a foreign place. And thinking that this year is a tad bit wasted. I feel all my remorse for not living it better, but there are still many great things that I'm thankful for. Shall elaborate on my next post. And so many things in Taiwan, I shall elaborate on that later too. It's freaking cold and I miss home ):

Well the main thing that I want to say here is that my new year resolutions for this year is like shit long and I accomplished like maybe 2% of it. ,

Spiritual/Daily life section

• Smile more, care for others more, :D plus less criticising
• BE HAPPY :D
• Have faith in God that everything's gonna be okay
• To be a more tolerant person/not easily offended
• Forgive (but not necessarily forget, depends)
• Do daily devotion, like DAILY.
• Bring friend(s) to church. CATHERINE ALERT ALERT!! :D:D
• GET BAPTISED WOOHOO

Piano/Academics section

• Exercise. MUST PASS NAPFA OMFG. Minus 4kg?
• Do homework and hand in on time (other than current holiday assignments :P) Dont be lazy!
• Do revision currently, before/after lectures & tutorials. DONT REGRET FOR A LEVELS.
• Knowing what to do in the future, shingz.
• PIANO PRACTICE EVERYDAY (wah stress ah), either : scales/pieces/sight reading
• The rest? Leave it to God. Amen.

BUT, AFTER ATTENDING CHURCH CAMP, hmmm add on under daiy life section:

• Prioritise God, pray to Him for whatever that I am going to do,
• Let my life reflect a positive attitude towards God.
• STOP FACEBOOKING SO OFTEN. I think that nearing SYF I should just close my account until next year, heh heh.

Yeah the bolded ones are the accomplishments of this year. Ahaha, so I would just make a few for next year.


1. God before everything, love Him more, know about Him more.
2. Be happy.
3. Be forgiving.
4. Do my best in everything.

I shall put the spiritual section above as my live goal. Hmmm. Short and sweet.

No no no, I dint go for the exhibition. But I want to go, next year I think, period.

I must blog today because I had this freaking weird dream, I think I had three dreams this morning, or what normally people call last night. First dream, I can only remember that I dreamt of Seohyun singing like a diva on a setting that is similar to the TALENT show that is from China, the Chinese version of America's Got Talent. (which I am watching now)

The next dream is the one that is very peculiar. I dreamt that I broke a certain school rule and have to be detained in this light orange-yellow room. However they "found out" from my supposedly "records" that I gambled. I was like so shocked, like I never even gambled and how come it is in my records. So because of my "gambling", I have to go to prison. I'm what the hell? And I was so panicked, I was really wailing and yelling and said I dont want to go to prison and this is totally impossible. Someone said that it's okay, you'll get out soon, or something like it's just prison, it's nothing. I approached an old woman who kind of resembled the one who acted as the person who can sense crime by instinct, the show that is currently airing on Okto at 10pm on Fridays. She's wearing normal clothes, and somehow she belonged to the school. And she said that she'll check for me. And I think I wandered around school and suddenly Lee Seung Gi appeared. And he was my boyfriend. Somehow, I never really looked at his face but I know that it's him and he's my boyfriend. And somehow, I remembered that that day itself, I have a date with him. I thought that I was going to prison, and I'll never see him again, and I initiated a break-up while he's holding this bouquet of roses. And I think he got angry and demanded a reason. Something like a non-violent argument broke out. And I felt so sad, I said in Chinese to him that I really loved him, but I'm going to prison. Then this struck him and he kind of wanted to solve it for me (the strange thing is, he understood Chinese) and somehow rushed off while I followed him. The next thing knew he showed up in this dirt covered truck that was at least 3 metres tall and we're outside the entrance to a carpark. It was a steep long route, it's something like the carpark at AMK hub, I was standing in the middle of the entrance. And he drove in at a sports-car speed past me with his seat beside me, and stopped at the end of the slope, and drove back to me at the same speed. And somehow without any reversing he's back to the position where his seat is beside me, where I'm on the right of the truck. And he asked me to climb up, and he reached out his hand. And somehow, with little effort, I climbed up that 2-metre high wheel and caught his hand. And we drove off.

I cant remember the third dream but my actions kind of surprised people.

This morning/afternoon I wanted to blog, and wanted to experiment whether I can use Facebook (mainly for the games) for half an hour. Naturally I failed. Helped my sister to sms her friend and my mother that she forgot her phone and blah, and I was planning to go off and meet both my mother and sister for jeans-shopping at 10.30am, but you know me, I just took my time and set off at 11 plus haha. Anyway, we ate at Harbourfront Centre/Vivo City, and bought my first pair of jeans at Harbourfront and the second pair at AMK Hub's NTUC. I absolutely love Beard Papa Sweets, the shop with good cream puffs and the yummy fondant. Came back home and went to sleep, woke up and Facebooked, until now when I'm blogging. And I need to eat dinner and it's like 9 already, oh gosh. Guess I'll end here today.

P.S. We worked out the SUTD essay, and was quite eager to apply until I saw that they required my prelim results. Instantly I gave up, and my mother persuaded me to go on, and I actually went to tell her that I can go back and repeat in YJC, and explained the whole concept to her. But she told me that some people discriminate against repeat students, and gave her example on her studies in Malaysia and people in Singapore do not understand the system, it's like she would first take her O levels equivalent in her second year in high school, and then her A levels equivalent in year three, but her certificate states that she graduated in her year two. The interviewers dint understand and kept asking her questions, so the interview failed. And I was feeling devastated, but before I went to sleep I thought that maybe I dint want to apply because, if I really succeeded, I have to compete with other creative people, and putting my inspiration to competition is just, not healthy for me. Now I dont really know whether I should give it a try or not.

And the tagboard, sigh. Just take it away, I guess?

P.P.S Kim Jong Il died yesterday, but world safety level is unstable huh. Funny comments on Yahoo News Singapore. SMRT issues are neverending. Thank God I reached Harbourfront safely via MRT today.

I just watched the movie and, I can say that it's quite okay. It's a bit touching at the end, where everyone finds their Neverland, the land of dreams, hopes, and happiness and peace. It follows or rather is inspired by true events experienced by the author of Peter Pan himself, J.M Barrie.

Yesterday was a long day I guess. There's the general meeting of the church (tangyihui) where the participants are like official church members, those who are baptised in SGPC or came here from other church with a ceremony together with those who are baptising. It's really long because it's the voting for the elders and some of the zhishis. The counting of the votes itself takes about, roughly 15 min? And after that went home for a while and rested before we went to Esplanade to listen to Liu DeHai, the master of pipa. I must say, I think among the songs, the first, as wel as the classics are the best. The rest are just monotonous, mere show-offs of the skills required to play some awful parts. And it seems that the encore sounded better, but we went off the moment it ended.

Today I was supposed to go to class outing, but I'm just plain lazy. So I told them the truth that I'm just not feeling at my best to step out of the door, and really, my stomach feels a bit funny. And I'm supposed to practise piano but I dint, heh. But I guess I learnt alot of stuff today. This morning, I spent my time writing my daily devotions for the past days that I have not penned down, and I realised that revision makes better absorption. (:

I guess I have to work on my application to SUTD now ):

Anyway I changed the video from The Band Perry's If I Die Young to Beast/B2ST's Fiction. i ffell in love with the song ever since MAMA 2011. It's addictive, it's haunting, it's so beautiful. The embed was a bit tricky with the new Youtube layout and stuff, but I'm smart haha. Gotcha.

Okay, I dont hate this place. No reason for that. I love the food the fashion the scenery the warmth of the people there. But, to go to a place for a holiday for like the THIRD TIME. This is so not going to work out.

Ever heard of the phrase "familiarity breeds contempt"?
Sigh. I really, REALLY dread going there, and spend my 8 days there. Okay, if the third time it's not an issue. But everytime we spent so many days there? They may not feel sian but I'm freaking sian.

Now on Channel U it's showing You're Beautiful. Watched it before Prelims, I think maybe during the July-August period. Jang Keun Suk, Lee Hong Ki, and Jung Yong Hwa are my absolute loves! It's a damn nice drama, I love the plot, the OST, just everything!! And for that, I'm now a very big fan of JKS and bought L-folders of LHK and JYH. Ahhh~

Anyway I watched 'One Day' starring Anne Hathaway, and I feel that it's so awesome that I want to read the novel, like The Notebook. But I just dont understand why they rated it as a B-minus movie , as said on Wikipedia. And after watching the movie, I just cant get it off my mind. Worst, I think the dreamy feeling intensified because of it. Described the feeling on Facebook. And still dont seem right.

Is it me having hallucinations? Or is it normal for people to have this dreamy feeling? It feels like you need to get to some beautiful place to relax and watch the crowds, the buildings, the sky. It's this warm fuzzy feeling that resembles the aftermath of staring at nice pictures (with the photoshop effect) on deviantart. I don't know what this feeling is. I'm definitely not in love LOL. If anyone understands.

It might also consist of what I added this morning :

I've got the sudden urge to explore the cultures of Korea, Japan, and the European countries, especially France and Germany.

But that dreamy feeling kinda died down because of the trip.

Oh. I need to practise my piano. Two reasons: One. My chuandao asked me to help out at the children's service as a pianist every last week of the month starting next year. And somehow I agreed... ZZZ, I really and maybe should learn how to reject people.  Two. It's decided that my piano lessons start officially on 8 January, Saturday afternoons. Oh goodness gracious. I wanna die. One week to catch up with piano and I need to go off for a "holiday".

And with days of procrastination, I'm still left with my pile of Chem notes. But the good thing is that my SGC draft 4 is done... I guess. Today evening lol, it was actually due yesterday. Hmmmm.

These few days, I've been thinking that maybe I should just shut down my Facebook account for a while so that I can do things that might be more meaningful than playing games all day. I can feel my brain degenerating by the minute... ):

Something happened to my cousin's family. My yizhang, his mother died. And she wasnt a Christian, and my yizhang is the only Christian in the family. According to my cousin, he looks tired, but must be hurting so deep inside. It really makes me wonder if I would one day feel the same, where my friends who are non-Christians die, and we know where they're going after death. And I might die inside thinking that it's my fault for not bringing them to church, to know God and become brothers and sisters in God. So maybe this might be a good motivation for me to start pushing on and striving to pass the gospel to everyone who needs it. Maybe I need it too. I mean, yes I am a Christian. But surely a Christian needs a constant reminder that God is there for us no matter which part of our lives we are in. Jesus died for us, showing His love for us, people who are sinners. God is love. We all know, but I think for me I should continue to remind myself for this. Because I tend to get self-centred and not living by God's will and asking Him for knowledge/wisdom whenever I'm in need.

My cousin seems very emo, and I found out her blog because she linked her blog with her Facebook. I feel sad for her considering that last last week she spent quite a few days at our house playing and slacking and now this. May God bless her family.

Now I remembered. The reason for my being so emo about the trip, especially now is that my mother started packing today, lol right after my visit from the doctor for medicine for my excess phlegm and throat-itchiness. It's like, hello, one week before the thing! But I can understand, because she might feel tired after work next week and there are like church choir practices and the church service on 24 dec and we're flying off on 25 dec right after lunch which is right after service. Hmmm. Sigh. I dont know what to say. But I'm most probably not going to perform for the choir on 24 dec, noticing that my voice is like the drilling at the construction sites when I'm singing in choir for yesterday's practice. Gosh... But I can make it for lunch with Mabel and Pei En!! Oh yeah~ Maybe somehow I can pull them to join me for the service hohoho.

Oh well that's for today... I want to be a better person and all. Striving to do my best instead of rotting in front of the computer. But anyways, I wanna watch movies starring Anne Hathaway (Get Smart, Becoming Jane), Rachel McAdams, Ryan Gosling, and read all of Nicholas Sparks' books. I think I'm more into romantic activity now huh. That dreamy feeling. Hmmm. Bye.

So my mum just said to me about SUTD, even though the chances are not high but it's still a chance. And maybe, just maybe I can get in. And it has courses that I want. So I really hope so.

Choices. Grrr.
http://www.blogskins.com/info/357422/
http://www.blogskins.com/info/359304/
http://www.blogskins.com/info/353868/
http://www.blogskins.com/info/339346/
http://www.blogskins.com/info/331972/

They're all simple and elegant. And classy too hehe. Okay I think I'm gonna get my cbox back, maybe for suggestions. If anyone is really reading my blog LOL. Ciao.

Hey yo! I havent cleared my desk yet boohoo, but I'm gonna do it anyway later.
Then the bulk of today was spent on Facebook (again) and found out certain interesting stuff. For example the website youmeandcharlie.com was so cool, it's just pure inspiration and pure art. To me it feels something like Chicken Soup for the Soul. Cool things in store there.

Then there's going to be a real-life drama for 'Skip! Beat'!! Starring SUJU's Siwon and Donghae. Isnt that cool!! I fell in love with Siwon after watching 'Oh! My Lady'.

Then... I received the SGC draft from Mrs Lay Naing for my application to SUTD... Hmmm, I think it's quite complete, because I dont know if there're really anything else to add in! ):

Suddenly I feel that I still have too many things not written here. About my life, basically and mostly on what I did and love.

Oh oh oh, I suddenly remembered. I dunno which blogskin to put on eventually, grrr. But I really love the current one. And should I put back the tagboard? Seems that most blogskins have a space for that. And I dont know how to lock it anyway to keep the ads away.

I'm hesitating whether I should watch Glee online. Which is without subtitles. Seems that the last time when I opened the first episode for Season 3 I cannot stand for 5 minutes straight. Or even 3 min, sigh. And when I searched for subbed episodes, they only come with the subtitles, literally. Oh good heavens. So maybe it's really my bad and I should accustom myself to this or I should just wait for Channel 5 to air it.

Now I'm deleting my Tagged and Friendster accounts. They're dead for eons. Maybe I should do so for my Lycos mail, Yahoo, and also my LiveJournal. Hmmm.

Is a freaking huge band. I think they have 50 plus members and 30 plus trainees. I know this band because of Atsuko Maeda, the lead in the drama Q10, which is kind of a spinoff from the movie Cyborg She, starring Ayase Haruka. But the girls in this band are damn cute seriously. And after viewing their videos, I actually think that Girls' Generation is also okay afterall. LOL I dont know how to differentiate good singing skills in the Japanese bands. But hearing AKB48 and feeling that it's okay, this should also mean that SNSD is okay too. Not that I've disliked SNSD, I just liked the people but not really that into their songs. So this calls for a happy ending (:

Sigh okay, after a while (maybe gonna watch a movie) I really need to tidy my desk and do my daily devotion! Sayonara~

Hey what happened to you Blogger! It's been 4 months plus and your layout changed. Together with Youtube, and MSN, Facebook, and Twitter (even though I still haven't signed up for it, LOL Facebook is my tweeting page haha), etc. So much has changed, and I just read a few of my previous posts and low and behold, they dont sound posted by me!

I came here first thing in the morning rather than to Facebook, is because, there's just so much things that I must tell, so many things that happened that I have to sort out and clear my mind for once. Not that I cleared this time, the clouds would not come back again. I dont really know how to categorise events, hmmm. Let's try this: Studies/A-levels, Facebook/People in my life, Youtube, Activities/Things that I am interested in/want to do, What Am I thinking now, etc.

Okay. Studies/A-levels.
Wasnt ideal. We know that in the first anyway, seeing my progress at work this year. Many obstacles, which the biggest obstacle is myself, stopped me from wanting, no, from actually doing what I dreamt of. Of getting straight As for A levels. I want to laugh at myself for this. Really, I think I deserved whatever grades I am going to get back next year. During A levels, Chem felt a bit screwed, with many types of careless mistakes. And not being able to study finish what Miss Ong especially done for us. For me. All the answers for papers and the Ten Year Series. Good heavens, I haven't even finish my TYS in the first place. Comparing this me to the me in Secondary School, I think I'm just a total bloody jerk. General Paper was cool, finished on time kinda felt like I crammed quite a lot of content with certain level of evaluation. Math was like DIFFICULT. DIFFICULT LIKE SHIT. A lot of blanks? I dunno. I dont dare to check my answers online. They posted the answers online on the day of the paper itself, hours later. And everyone went to "Like" "Joss Sticks" on Facebook, the page for the answers. And a seemingly good tuition centre. Econs case study was okay, I actually felt smart for the first time, but dint finish a 10 mark question and left a 2 mark question blank. But for essay it's totally HELL. I only finished a 25m and a 10m15m question. And the other question on MC and Oligopoly (10m), I finished until the part where I only drew the kinked-dd curve but not explaining it, and for the 15m part on how recession will affect the market and what not, I only wrote a para on elasticity and THAT'S IT. Geog, human geog seemed screwed. I DUNNO, I havent studied human geog carefully.
So. It seems that my A levels are screwed. And I might go back YJC. Which now at this point in time, I do not reject the idea. Because, up til now I still dont know what I want (shall elaborate later). And Agnes said on Facebook that we should dress up nicely when we receive our results next year. But this gut feeling of not doing well is dwelling and swelling within me. And I feel that I should just wear home clothes so that once I got my results, I can just rush back home and emo, or even. Cry.

Facebook/People In My Life.
Okay, Facebook seems like usual. But there are invitations to class gatherings or CO outing. I said yes to 19 Dec 3/4 Grace outing, but I dont know whether I should go. And this feels the same for a possible CO outing. It's like. I'm the only YJC-ian there, who totally slacked this year and might not join them in the university pool of people next year, and I feel so not accomplished. At all. If I really went, I'll just feel so small. And there are like, people having internships and what not, but I dont know whether we have it in YJ, but, I just feel so so left out. Out of a sudden. Like I cannot make any connections. Like I dint do much to make myself someone that I can see at eye-level.

Suddenly I just feel inadequate. ):
And yeah people went for prom but many of us in class dint. Because our clique dint go. But when I looked at the pictures, it's like part of me is missing. I dont know, I think it's quite insignificant, but just that maybe I missed out something important in life? This is contradicting isn't it.

Oh yeah, people in my life. Ordered things from Taobao via Junhua haha, talked to Brande this two days (long time no chat huh), CK remains a good friend haha, and not much from people in my clique. I did an amazing sketch (yes I'm damn proud of myself for this) and Huiling is one of the 12 people that likes it too heehee. I think I shall sketch today as well. After I cleared my messy desk filled with notes and other crap.

I havent heard from other people in my clique and class ever since Graduation Day, which was boooooring with the Principal's cryptic talk. But fun-filled with Ms Tan's faces-making during that talk, and I was studying Chem at that time LOL. The clique went out to eat at Dhoby Ghaut and later on neoprints (first time failed cause machine spoiled LOL so the second time was free but not that nice, slow me designing), arcade (I did the DDR with XH, chose the super slow one accidentally, but unknowingly, and I did PARA PARA looking like I was directing traffic/swimming HAHA), and later me JH and XH went Bugis for JH to find her specific dress but it was sold out, and then we went shopping and I remembered that I bought a staggering 7 headbands at one go LOL. Then later on we went to find my sister and ate crepe and tried to wait for her to go home together but later on we just went back first. It was a fun-filled and tiring day. (:

I dont know whether I should start deleting people I dont know/never really talked to on Facebook.
And Xinrong... I think I said something offensive (but I dont know what) on the PM on Facebook, and we havent talked ever since. Sigh.

As for people at church, I'm talking more to them hehe. But Samuel seems like.... I dont know. But anyway I'm going for the church meeting for the first time this coming Sunday! So cool. Even though I skipped the last time one on the church reform due to needs of studying (an obvious excuse).

My family. We watched Already Famous on  Sunday (two days ago), a film that is directed/produced/scripted by Michelle Chong. I think she really is a superwoman, doing so many things at one go. She is rightfully the successor of the now infamous Jack Neo. My sister still works, but she's quitting next year near March to prepare for the trip to Korea. My mother is just normal, but abnormal when it comes to topics related to Taiwan. Yeah we're having a trip to Taiwan AGAIN. Look at my font usage. I'm DREADING IT FOR SURE. Nothing to shop in a winter wonderland that we are going for the THIRD time. Grrr. Mountain climbing again which my family would scorn at me for my very reduced stamina. My father on the other hand keeps pushing me to sms Miss Ong/Mrs Lay Naing for a recommendation letter to apply into SUTD. Okay so I just smsed Mrs LN this morning for a soft copy of my SGC and she said okay but later in the day ^^

Youtube, Activities/Things that I am interested in/want to do, What Am I thinking now.
Okay I've put them together because it might make things easier.

I wanna learn everything that I have to know about K-Pop, and recently got a mini crush on Beast/B2ST. Ever since MAMA 2011. It will grow into an unstoppable infatuation anyway. I want to know more about all the bands in the industry. Not just K-pop but other musicians from everywhere. From Taiwan, from USA, Korea, etc (Hey XiaoGui/Huang Hong Sheng was damn cute in the movie Already Famous. I really love his cute smile, it's just killing me.)

ID2N is a variety show that Lee Seung Gi is in, and it's long. Like 300 plus episodes long and I'm only at 40plus, ugh. I'm in love with this cute guy ever since I watched Shining Inheritance/Brilliant Legacy and My Girlfriend is a Gumiho. Plus I wanna watch Running Man and Strong Heart, and I wanna watch videos on Heechul!! ROAR. I think I need to schedule my time well so that I can do my drama-marathon at the same time. I just started on Reinoryokusha Odagiri Kyoko no Uso yesterday halfway. And I actually forgot Tanihara Shosuke's name ARGH!! Okay you get the idea. There are so many things to watch! Including Queen SeonDeok which I dint know would turn out nice at the back... Oh and movies too. I watch The Notebook last week and it was super awesome. Planning to watch more romance movies and of other categories. From many languages as well.

Other than watching/listening music and movies. I want to learn Korean, and French. I think they are awesome languages. And French because of Ratatouille (damn nice movie on Channel 5 and then Wall.E from Disney Pixar), and maybe because the dreamy feeling is back. After my stressful start of the holidays. Because initially I dint know what I should do, together with guilt that I havent done well for my exams, and then I was sick last week. Tuesday night was having sore throat from just breathing. So went to the doctor on Wednesday morning, then had fever on Thursday and Friday morning. Friday night had unknown stomachache. And I'm feeling better now despite a minor nose-block and a lot of phlegm :/

Actually I've done up a list of what I need to do during the holidays:
1. Type out all my sermon notes
2. Learn to make bead accessories
3. Drawing/Sketching/Painting (feel like doing up one today)
4. Put up all the woodcraft models (the ones like the puzzle and you slot them in together)
5. Tidy up my desk (HAVE TO DO IT TODAY)
6. Watch movies
7. K BOX
8. Exercise/Other "beautifying" processes
9. Find a job (probably in Jan since there's the Taiwan trip. Dang I cant go for Christmas dinner and camp)
10. Art exhibitions (There's one now at National Museum of Singapore with pieces from a well-known museum in France. I wanna go~!)
11. Explore whole of Singapore
12. Read novels. (I wanna do so for Nicholas Sparks especially after watching The Notebook)
13. Find out more about Korean Bands/other songs (said so earlier)
14. Learn cycling
15. Learn skating/ ice-skating
16. Fly a kite
17. Research on all the stuff that I dont know (general knowledge/fashion/etc.)

Okay that's alot.

For what I'm thinking now. I said so earlier that I'm having this dreamy feeling. It feels like the feeling I got from looking at nice pictures at deviantart. On Sunday we went AMK Hub and nearby shopping, eating, walking, and suddenly I experience an influx of feelings, something like inspirations for my sketches/paintings. It feels good. Especially it's the holidays, I'm rightful to own this state of mind isn't it. I guess I'm in a good mood then.

But I'm not when it comes to my career/my possible uni course. I really have no idea what I want. Sincerely I pray to God for an aspiration. Maybe Architecture or design-related. Or Chemistry related. If I ever get into a university. That is why I'm hesitating to apply for SUTD. Knowing that chances of getting good grades are just miniature. Sigh.

Anyway. It's a really long post! I suddenly thought of another thing I should do. Or two. One, practise my piano and aim for a Distinction (: Even though now there's a danger that I might get a different piano teacher, because Peili laoshi's schedule is like damn packed. And I've been a damn lazy student. I think both of us are exasperated. So I must work hard! And possibly that might be my career in the future, or a part-time to earn money... Who knows?

Two, change my blogskin? Haha. Following my dreamy feeling.

Three, change my email address? I'm tired of 'being confident', on name and not in reality haha.

Okay. It's really tiring to type this, but I feel like Ive let down a part of my burden. And really sorting out a part of me. Thanks again my dear diary (:

Hey dead blog. Yup i'm still surviving, but i feel that i'm left with my last breath to live. A levels is such an ass, seriously. I'm losing motivation to study, even though it's like less than 2 weeks to prelims. Damn i feel like a retard. I'm using my phone to type this (yeah thank God my mother got a mini data plan for me :D) cause i think i'm really suffocating with my own procrastination and my body's lack of a sense of urgency. I'm actually staring into space at the stairs outside the hall. Damn it, my low productivity in studying. Okay crap, i've gotta go back and chiong my complex numbers. Sometimes i wonder if my dream of getting straight As is such a naive thought that it's never attainable. Oh well yes, given the B for PW, but still, i'm seeing hope for Econs. Did you know i've moved up to an S grade? Hallelujah :) yup so my dream should be able to be achieved! Sigh. Power of blog: Convincing the self.



This is nice as well (: Even though I dont understand a thing.
Oh btw, stopped piano lessons. More time to study on weekends.



Yeah, that guy's some hawt shit right.
Anyway, had been away, so this time I'm just coming back for a whilt before I'm off to make my dream of scoring straight A's come true lol. Had been staying in school to study til 9plus lately, shall continue to do that, got a new handphone. Had shopping trips with family. Econs is getting fun and I'm kinda failing Org Chem, needa study more. That's life for now.


Anyways contemplating to get a new layout for my blog. But I love the current skin so...
http://www.blogskins.com/info/341692/
http://www.blogskins.com/info/311934/
http://www.blogskins.com/info/131865/
http://www.blogskins.com/info/357422/
http://www.blogskins.com/info/349274/
http://www.blogskins.com/info/172935/
http://www.blogskins.com/info/353868/
Talking about choices.


This is awesome too!

So yeah. That's all about it. Time to chiong studies!

There's another, YET ANOTHER U for Econs again.

Is a korean drama that got the whole family hooked recently, including me, and on this Vesak Day aka HOLIDAY, ruined the mood of the whole family. See how influential it is.

Bloody hell, it's not it's fault. But all of you, your bloody selfish-ness, your ignorance, AND BEING FUCKING INCONSIDERATE TO HOW I FEEL IN THE FIRST PLACE, TRYING TO FIND EXCUSES TO VENT YOUR ANGER, AND INEVITABLY IT'S MY FUCKING FAULT?

WHAT THE FUCK SERIOUSLY.

Whatever, I think it's also a great chance to concentrate on my homework now. Thanks for all the bloody reminders AS IF I DONT KNOW.

I'm now thinking to study hard and enter NUS so as to move in to their dorm/U-Town, where they call it, when the time comes.

On a lighter note, Mr Poon turned 35 yesterday, and thank God I'm in time for celebration :D
Kthxbai. Dong Yi really rawks (:

I figured out, yet again, that I am a very sensitive person. Very, sensitive, person. ;/
And insensitive to how others feel ;/

TSH emailed my father. I'm emotionless really.

Today was the celebration tea for the SYF participants, for all PA groups. Before that we had Niji during choir practice :D

Something weird happened, as if something embarassing happened and I'm brooding over it till now. But yeah, I just dont know why. It's the usual thing. It's like, I'm questioning myself, whether I like you or not. Like really, when he was away, or rather when I'm away, I dont really feel anything, I dont miss him. But when I come back. I forget another him and start feeling wrong, again? Until now. I wonder what will happen after Arts Fusion. I wonder what will happen when I graduate. Will I cry because I miss the people, or if I'll ever miss you at all? All the thoughts, the scenarios that cooked up in my head for some weird reason that I cant explain, I'm thinking if they are worth anything or do they really explain anything at all. Everything is just so weird, I'm feeling scared if I'm leaving. Your face seems to be. The favourite thing that my mind likes to materialise.

Is this love? But why is it so, uncertain?

Or are you just an interesting creature that I've come across and what my mind fancied, temporarily?

I really wish you are just a passing infatuation and I can still look up to you as someone that I can say hi on the streets, and maybe when I come back to YJ, we can still talk, normally.

I dont know whether we are talking normally at all NOW. ;/
That's quite a sad thing huh.

Anyways, BANJA AGAIN FOR YJCHORALE, PLUS SOP2s, I'm lovin' it :D
Off to do homework!

DEMORALISING DAY.
Realised that. I really wasted a large chunk of my life being nonchalent to studies and a lot of other things in life, and just wanting to rest. Asked myself what have I really done to deserve any break, any lying on the bed and just sleeping. The answer is like, none at all.

3/25. IS MY BLOODY MARKS FOR ECONS ESSAY TEST. And seriously. That's quite a boomz wake-up call. I really felt like shit. And maybe that might be a partial reason why I stoned for the whole 3hr tutorial today. Like seriously, there are some stuffs that went into my brain, I really am sure of that, but, most others just cant get in. I FEEL LIKE A BLOODY FAILURE.

And, what really pissed me off was when my friends exclaimed my marks so loudly as if 3/25 isnt clear enough. But maybe it's just part of their personality, I cant blame them. But everytime I hear someone verbalising my weaknesses/flaws/failures, like totally, my mood is like WTFWTHGODIELAHASS. That means, it's my own problem for getting pissed. And everytime it's like, f, idk whether its just anger or anger + stress + feel like shit + etc, I WANNA CRY SO BADLY. Yes, I feel like crying now when I'm typing this. So when I said bye to them, I turned into the other direction and started shedding tears unwillingly, but I told myself, I will want to cry in my own room. So just tolerated and ate a Cornetto and went back home to my bed and laid down and tried crying, but this time not so ... It's not what I wanted.

I have always wanted to find a time at home to cry my lungs out, during the period of time when we are still practicing for SYF, when I started gaining attention from TSH for my U grades, when I'm still having baptism classes/piano/tuition, when Miss Ong started to feel disappointed in me, when I feel that I cant cope.

Maybe I should try tomorrow. YES, it does sound silly. But I need to scream, I shed tears to relieve stress. I need to punch and throw things, even though I may not this time, since it's been long ever since we moved here and things placed in the house are orderly, and there are a lot of glass in this house. Like crap. I need a place to scream then, some place. A cliff? A place with a clear blue sky and green plains? Yeah I would like that.

I think I need to start organising too ;/ My room (actually my desk), my bag,
and my life. Which kinda centres around studies. Please God, be my centre in my life. And take away this pain I'm experiencing. I feel like utter shit now.

Morning Star would be a nice song to sing :D The loss of my freedom, and maybe sanity.

Anyways today was the Mothers' Day dinner, at Thai Express instead of Seoul Garden because of long queue, expensive la, they say food no nice, but I think it's okay.
So hope that there's no homework due tmr (today), looking forward to choir practice that's resuming tmr! Cause now's 0000 10 May hahaha! There's celebratory lunch/dinner for us SYF peeps :D

Ciao!

http://www.timeoutsingapore.com/music/feature/seasoned-professionals

Hahahas, do you know what I'm thinking? :D :D
Heh heh heh. I feel like a stalker though.

YES. So happy. Yeah even though I'm like 2 days late.
4th May 2011 will surely be one of the best days in 2011, :D
Missing Mr Poon though. Hahas will see him on Wednesday.
Yes suddenly craving for choir practices. The YJChorale Banja yesterday in the quadrangle right after assembly says alot about us bonded together. And also today's choir outing which I dint go, cause none of my friends in JC2 going ;/ ;/
Life suddenly feels empty when SYF is over. I wonder what will happen when I step down, will I be feeling worse? ;/

A lot happened recently including yesterday's Chem Mock SPA and ST2 retest (like I also dunno how I failed it. The topics are even covered in recent tuition classes =.=). And today TSH flared up, like to a higher level that's unusual. Well, I can empathise with her. Give work and notes, no one read and do ;/ Sad life. Today was supposedly the "early release day" due to polling day tmr and we were released at 1.30pm today - makes no difference to me since that's my usual ending time on Fridays. Oh yeah there's this song Rebecca Black - Friday. HAHAAA.

I MISS CHOIR ALREADY. OMG. Like I'm unable to believe, that I have come to like this new choir 2011. Not just choir 2010. <3

4th May, alot of things happened. And I think I'm too lazy to type out everything here. It'll be one of my fondest memories in life. The fondest memory in YJC. Anyway, the only thing I love about YJC is chorale what. LOL hahaa. I do like some things/people too.
So much more coming on the way. Better start studying ;/ Like really start. NOW.

Hey there.
Serena, child of God manufactured on 121093 who appreciates music and art. Loves alot of guy superstars, and too many stuffs on her wishlist to share here. Fat. Doesn't have time-management skills. Very into drama marathons.
first. second. my facebook. cabbagecrumbs. FML. mysoju. things we forget. youme&charlie.
This layout was made by chapstick with a background from geng hao.