maybe confessing would be a good thing.
no no no its not "wo ai ni" or whatever shit. just that serena has some problems with her mind.
okay, this is a blog. my blog. my space, and my diary,
so, she can say whatever she wants right? ;/

so one day, ...
(do i really need to say it out now? )
i guess i should really be open about this. and yeah, everyone's getting puberty right?
so one fine day,
and thats last year. before eoys
i. went. look. at some. really. dirty stuff.
i guess you should know what that is -.-
that kinda thing that guys watch.

so poor serena, and she's a smartass,
she went to look at a friendster profile and there's like links to those kinda things.
then, in CURIOUSITY'S NAME she went to CLICK on it.
and viola the videos and she went to watch -.-
and after that she went to watch the others and blahblah,
what the fuck she totally forgotten that she's a christian and the ten commandments, ;O

and then later she went to watch the OTHERS and blahblah,
and then she went to clear up the history.
and so later on she kept "playing" the images in her mind,
and she went to seek forgiveness through prayer from God.
and blahblah.

but then later on, she fell into temptation's hands and started to watch again.
and clear the history, and kept mum. forgiveness. try to forget.
then the same thing,
and the same thing.
today, where its the fifth? or the sixth?
she even went to search for the edison chen scandal photos,
and bloody asshole its with the laptop,and this is not the first time she searched that on this laptop.
fucking hell and now she really cant stand it.

because,
through the whole course, she slowly moves away from God,
because she thinks that she is now VERY SINFUL, very dirty.
thus she does not have the rights to ask for forgiveness anymore.
and slowly she fades out in her participation in church, tunes out the preaching, and even sometimes she had those images flash through her mind during the sermons.
.
.
.
.
and what she wants now, is redemption for herself.
she only wants to let go of those FUCKING IMAGES AND SCENES, and never letting them to come back,
and she really wants a good beating,
A FREAKING GOOD BEATING.
to wake her up from the nightmare that spans for like. MONTHS.


i wish. that i can be truly, be rightful of God's love again.

God, i am sorry. and i will run to you again,
and thankyou for giving me a chance to 坦白, to wake up and let go.

Hey there.
Serena, child of God manufactured on 121093 who appreciates music and art. Loves alot of guy superstars, and too many stuffs on her wishlist to share here. Fat. Doesn't have time-management skills. Very into drama marathons.
first. second. my facebook. cabbagecrumbs. FML. mysoju. things we forget. youme&charlie.
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