Long time no see! (:
Tuesday, December 13, 2011 @ 11:38 AM
Hey what happened to you Blogger! It's been 4 months plus and your layout changed. Together with Youtube, and MSN, Facebook, and Twitter (even though I still haven't signed up for it, LOL Facebook is my tweeting page haha), etc. So much has changed, and I just read a few of my previous posts and low and behold, they dont sound posted by me!
I came here first thing in the morning rather than to Facebook, is because, there's just so much things that I must tell, so many things that happened that I have to sort out and clear my mind for once. Not that I cleared this time, the clouds would not come back again. I dont really know how to categorise events, hmmm. Let's try this: Studies/A-levels, Facebook/People in my life, Youtube, Activities/Things that I am interested in/want to do, What Am I thinking now, etc.
Okay. Studies/A-levels.
Wasnt ideal. We know that in the first anyway, seeing my progress at work this year. Many obstacles, which the biggest obstacle is myself, stopped me from wanting, no, from actually doing what I dreamt of. Of getting straight As for A levels. I want to laugh at myself for this. Really, I think I deserved whatever grades I am going to get back next year. During A levels, Chem felt a bit screwed, with many types of careless mistakes. And not being able to study finish what Miss Ong especially done for us. For me. All the answers for papers and the Ten Year Series. Good heavens, I haven't even finish my TYS in the first place. Comparing this me to the me in Secondary School, I think I'm just a total bloody jerk. General Paper was cool, finished on time kinda felt like I crammed quite a lot of content with certain level of evaluation. Math was like DIFFICULT. DIFFICULT LIKE SHIT. A lot of blanks? I dunno. I dont dare to check my answers online. They posted the answers online on the day of the paper itself, hours later. And everyone went to "Like" "Joss Sticks" on Facebook, the page for the answers. And a seemingly good tuition centre. Econs case study was okay, I actually felt smart for the first time, but dint finish a 10 mark question and left a 2 mark question blank. But for essay it's totally HELL. I only finished a 25m and a 10m15m question. And the other question on MC and Oligopoly (10m), I finished until the part where I only drew the kinked-dd curve but not explaining it, and for the 15m part on how recession will affect the market and what not, I only wrote a para on elasticity and THAT'S IT. Geog, human geog seemed screwed. I DUNNO, I havent studied human geog carefully.
So. It seems that my A levels are screwed. And I might go back YJC. Which now at this point in time, I do not reject the idea. Because, up til now I still dont know what I want (shall elaborate later). And Agnes said on Facebook that we should dress up nicely when we receive our results next year. But this gut feeling of not doing well is dwelling and swelling within me. And I feel that I should just wear home clothes so that once I got my results, I can just rush back home and emo, or even. Cry.
Facebook/People In My Life.
Okay, Facebook seems like usual. But there are invitations to class gatherings or CO outing. I said yes to 19 Dec 3/4 Grace outing, but I dont know whether I should go. And this feels the same for a possible CO outing. It's like. I'm the only YJC-ian there, who totally slacked this year and might not join them in the university pool of people next year, and I feel so not accomplished. At all. If I really went, I'll just feel so small. And there are like, people having internships and what not, but I dont know whether we have it in YJ, but, I just feel so so left out. Out of a sudden. Like I cannot make any connections. Like I dint do much to make myself someone that I can see at eye-level.
Suddenly I just feel inadequate. ):
And yeah people went for prom but many of us in class dint. Because our clique dint go. But when I looked at the pictures, it's like part of me is missing. I dont know, I think it's quite insignificant, but just that maybe I missed out something important in life? This is contradicting isn't it.
Oh yeah, people in my life. Ordered things from Taobao via Junhua haha, talked to Brande this two days (long time no chat huh), CK remains a good friend haha, and not much from people in my clique. I did an amazing sketch (yes I'm damn proud of myself for this) and Huiling is one of the 12 people that likes it too heehee. I think I shall sketch today as well. After I cleared my messy desk filled with notes and other crap.
I havent heard from other people in my clique and class ever since Graduation Day, which was boooooring with the Principal's cryptic talk. But fun-filled with Ms Tan's faces-making during that talk, and I was studying Chem at that time LOL. The clique went out to eat at Dhoby Ghaut and later on neoprints (first time failed cause machine spoiled LOL so the second time was free but not that nice, slow me designing), arcade (I did the DDR with XH, chose the super slow one accidentally, but unknowingly, and I did PARA PARA looking like I was directing traffic/swimming HAHA), and later me JH and XH went Bugis for JH to find her specific dress but it was sold out, and then we went shopping and I remembered that I bought a staggering 7 headbands at one go LOL. Then later on we went to find my sister and ate crepe and tried to wait for her to go home together but later on we just went back first. It was a fun-filled and tiring day. (:
I dont know whether I should start deleting people I dont know/never really talked to on Facebook.
And Xinrong... I think I said something offensive (but I dont know what) on the PM on Facebook, and we havent talked ever since. Sigh.
As for people at church, I'm talking more to them hehe. But Samuel seems like.... I dont know. But anyway I'm going for the church meeting for the first time this coming Sunday! So cool. Even though I skipped the last time one on the church reform due to needs of studying (an obvious excuse).
My family. We watched Already Famous on Sunday (two days ago), a film that is directed/produced/scripted by Michelle Chong. I think she really is a superwoman, doing so many things at one go. She is rightfully the successor of the now infamous Jack Neo. My sister still works, but she's quitting next year near March to prepare for the trip to Korea. My mother is just normal, but abnormal when it comes to topics related to Taiwan. Yeah we're having a trip to Taiwan AGAIN. Look at my font usage. I'm DREADING IT FOR SURE. Nothing to shop in a winter wonderland that we are going for the THIRD time. Grrr. Mountain climbing again which my family would scorn at me for my very reduced stamina. My father on the other hand keeps pushing me to sms Miss Ong/Mrs Lay Naing for a recommendation letter to apply into SUTD. Okay so I just smsed Mrs LN this morning for a soft copy of my SGC and she said okay but later in the day ^^
Youtube, Activities/Things that I am interested in/want to do, What Am I thinking now.
Okay I've put them together because it might make things easier.
I wanna learn everything that I have to know about K-Pop, and recently got a mini crush on Beast/B2ST. Ever since MAMA 2011. It will grow into an unstoppable infatuation anyway. I want to know more about all the bands in the industry. Not just K-pop but other musicians from everywhere. From Taiwan, from USA, Korea, etc (Hey XiaoGui/Huang Hong Sheng was damn cute in the movie Already Famous. I really love his cute smile, it's just killing me.)
ID2N is a variety show that Lee Seung Gi is in, and it's
long. Like 300 plus episodes long and I'm only at 40plus, ugh. I'm in love with this cute guy ever since I watched Shining Inheritance/Brilliant Legacy and My Girlfriend is a Gumiho. Plus I wanna watch Running Man and Strong Heart, and I wanna watch videos on Heechul!! ROAR. I think I need to schedule my time well so that I can do my drama-marathon at the same time. I just started on Reinoryokusha Odagiri Kyoko no Uso yesterday halfway. And I actually forgot Tanihara Shosuke's name ARGH!! Okay you get the idea. There are so many things to watch! Including Queen SeonDeok which I dint know would turn out nice at the back... Oh and movies too. I watch The Notebook last week and it was super awesome. Planning to watch more romance movies and of other categories. From many languages as well.
Other than watching/listening music and movies. I want to learn Korean, and French. I think they are awesome languages. And French because of Ratatouille (damn nice movie on Channel 5 and then Wall.E from Disney Pixar), and maybe because the dreamy feeling is back. After my stressful start of the holidays. Because initially I dint know what I should do, together with guilt that I havent done well for my exams, and then I was sick last week. Tuesday night was having sore throat from just breathing. So went to the doctor on Wednesday morning, then had fever on Thursday and Friday morning. Friday night had unknown stomachache. And I'm feeling better now despite a minor nose-block and a lot of phlegm :/
Actually I've done up a list of what I need to do during the holidays:
1. Type out all my sermon notes
2. Learn to make bead accessories
3. Drawing/Sketching/Painting (feel like doing up one today)
4. Put up all the woodcraft models (the ones like the puzzle and you slot them in together)
5. Tidy up my desk (HAVE TO DO IT TODAY)
6. Watch movies
7. K BOX
8. Exercise/Other "beautifying" processes
9. Find a job (probably in Jan since there's the Taiwan trip. Dang I cant go for Christmas dinner and camp)
10. Art exhibitions (There's one now at National Museum of Singapore with pieces from a well-known museum in France. I wanna go~!)
11. Explore whole of Singapore
12. Read novels. (I wanna do so for Nicholas Sparks especially after watching The Notebook)
13. Find out more about Korean Bands/other songs (said so earlier)
14. Learn cycling
15. Learn skating/ ice-skating
16. Fly a kite
17. Research on all the stuff that I dont know (general knowledge/fashion/etc.)
Okay that's alot.
For what I'm thinking now. I said so earlier that I'm having this dreamy feeling. It feels like the feeling I got from looking at nice pictures at deviantart. On Sunday we went AMK Hub and nearby shopping, eating, walking, and suddenly I experience an influx of feelings, something like inspirations for my sketches/paintings. It feels good. Especially it's the holidays, I'm rightful to own this state of mind isn't it. I guess I'm in a good mood then.
But I'm not when it comes to my career/my possible uni course. I really have no idea what I want. Sincerely I pray to God for an aspiration. Maybe Architecture or design-related. Or Chemistry related. If I ever get into a university. That is why I'm hesitating to apply for SUTD. Knowing that chances of getting good grades are just miniature. Sigh.
Anyway. It's a really long post! I suddenly thought of another thing I should do. Or two. One, practise my piano and aim for a Distinction (: Even though now there's a danger that I might get a different piano teacher, because Peili laoshi's schedule is like damn packed. And I've been a damn lazy student. I think both of us are exasperated. So I must work hard! And possibly that might be my career in the future, or a part-time to earn money... Who knows?
Two, change my blogskin? Haha. Following my dreamy feeling.
Three, change my email address? I'm tired of 'being confident', on name and not in reality haha.
Okay. It's really tiring to type this, but I feel like Ive let down a part of my burden. And really sorting out a part of me. Thanks again my dear diary (:
