Saturday, January 12, 2008 @ 10:49 PM
post number onehundredandone.
title: outburst-of-stress. resulting in near death consequences.
victim: someone called serenachia and her family?
date: the post date.
story: unknown, the victim is in near death HOW CAN YOU STILL INTERVIEW? :D
well, i have nothing to say.
i dint go piano lesson, resulting in a drama series that i think wont end until tommorow? or even later.
and this time is really OUTBURST OF EMOTIONAL STRESS.
i seriously cannot take it. i really need to let it all out.
and you know what? i actually stayed in a toilet at home for 3 hours.
testing my patience, you wanna try? i WILL win.
and what i had said, are true. are really really true.
being an eldest daughter is just F*CKIN shit can, and still this time i need to worry whether the toilet door will break or not because of the other side's impatience.
or even my legs, as my mother had tried to THREATEN me with.
so seriously. i dont know how to react later after i finish posting this.
my eyes seriously hurt, long time never CRY so hard le.
CRY : meaning to let out sadness/sorrow.
this time, i dint only cry, i COLLAPSED.
but now i am quite okay, for the time being.
i cried. because i am DENIED ACCESS of my freedom of staying at home when i felt that i dint practice my piano properly.
i cried. because my mother doesnt understand this point, and still tried to THINK OF breaking my legs when i get out.
i cried, because i thought of the things that i went through these few days, these few years.
i cried harder. and my eyes seemed to be impossible to open anymore.
dint eat lunch, until 4 or 5 plus.
i dont know i really dont know okay.
stop forcing me. YOU THINK I KNOW WHAT'S MY FAULT!?
saikang.
i know its my fault for being defiant in HCL class yesterday.
i know its my fault for not talking to brande properly whenever i met her.
but you know what? i dont know what is holding onto me for not saying a simple hello to her. nor that i would even predict that the new teacher would just take away my physics workbook.
i seriously dont know anything, these few days i am just DENSE alright.
sometimes i just feeling like walking out of the door, and dont come back for a long time.
i know i will definitely not do that. trust me, i am a coward (:
but you know what? the sense of hatred, pekchekness and irritation within me is getting stronger,
at the same time i dont feel anything for anything/anybody else anymore.
i dont know how i managed to walk out of the toilet door or whatever.
i just know ,that i cant trap myself forever in this cubism of "this is not fair".
i want to live in a situation like "everything is in peace, i love this world!".
but do you know? it is quite impossible.
i need God, i need proper friends, i need FAMILY PEACE.
